Feet Feet and Can't Walk

Q: What has 500,000 feet and still can't walk?
A: Jerry's kids.

Household Items

Back in the '70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great. Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.' `Why?' says her friend. `Don't you have a vase?'" They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from their vagina's. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling shriek!" What was that?" starts Hefner's friend. "Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..."

Tupac and Biggie

Q: Why did Tupac and Biggie go to Heaven?
A: They both got Faith!