Saddam Gets Three Wishes

One day Saddam Hussein was walking in the desert and he stubbed his toe on some hard object. He bent over to pick it up and a Genie popped out. "Oh great," Saddam said, "I don't have time for this Genie nonsense." "Oh wait," said the Genie, "You have to let me grant you three wishes or I'll be trapped in that stupid lamp for another ten thousand years." "Okay," said Saddam, so he wished that the Genie would give him three American women. So the next morning when he woke up, after the Genie had realized who this man was and after the Genie had granted the wishes, Tanya Harding, Garcella Bevoux, and Hillary Clinton laid next to him. His knee was bashed in, his penis was gone, and he had no health insurance.

Feet Feet and Can't Walk

Q: What has 500,000 feet and still can't walk?
A: Jerry's kids.

Household Items

Back in the '70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great. Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.' `Why?' says her friend. `Don't you have a vase?'" They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from their vagina's. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling shriek!" What was that?" starts Hefner's friend. "Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..."