Britney Spears Hired By Pepsi

Q: Why did Pepsi hire Britney Spears to do their commercial instead of Coke?
A: Because then would have had to change their slogan from "It's the real thing."

Roxanne Needs Help

Been drawing circles around pictures of Sting, Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers for a woman across the street who has just had her home burglarized. 
No idea how asking me to ring The Police is going to help her.

Sherlock Holmes, Winston, Women and Bananas

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were walking through a park, when they passed three women, eating bananas. "Good evening, ladies," said Sherlock. After they passed, Watson asked if he knew those women. "No, Watson, I didn't know that nun, prostitute, or bride." Baffled, Watson asks how he knew their identities. "Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun was eating the banana by breaking it into small pieces. The prostitute was shoving the banana into her mouth. And the bride was holding the banana with one hand and forcing her head down with the other."