Drunk Contest

A man walks into a bar and finds a jar full of money on the counter. He asks the bartender what it's for. The bartender replies, "Every night we have a contest that you have to complete three tasks to win all the money in the jar." The man asks, "What are the tasks?" "First, you have to go over to Jimmy the bouncer and knock him out with one hit. Then, well, there's a Pitbull out back and you have to pull its blunt tooth out. Finally, the bosses wife is up stairs and you have to go pleasure her, but you have to put down ten dollars to play." said the bartender. "Damn," says the man. Later that night, after several drinks, the man smacks down a ten dollar bill and says, "I'm in." He walks over to the bouncer and swings. One hit he's out cold. The man falls flat on his face also, but gets up and walks out back. All you hear is the dog howling. Then the man steps back in, goes over to the bartender and asks, "Now where's that lady with the blunt tooth."

Drunk Frog

Q: Did you hear about the drunk frog?
A: He barley hops.

Drunk While Stealing

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
February 1, 1993. James Macdonald and William Shoesmith, both 26, were sentenced to five years in prison for bank robbery. According to his lawyer, Macdonald hated his robbery work and had to drink before each job. For what was to be the pair's last job, he got fall-down drunk and had to be carried by Shoesmith into the bank to pull off the heist. The two were soon captured.