Drunk English Time Telling

One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk man sitting in a puddle. "Hey, are you drunk?" asked the policeman. "No! I'm just resting!" said the drunk man in a lazy voice. "Oh, is that so? Well, if your not drunk, what time is it?" The drunk man raised his arm, as if to point at something, and raised the other arm to cross the first arm over and said, "It's 12:43!" "Amazing!" said the policeman. "How did you do that?" "Hee hee, magic!" he said in a drunk voice. The policeman was puzzled and asked the drunk man again how he did it. "Oh ok! Don't push me!" he said. "I'll tell you how I did it only if you sit with me in this puddle." "What? No, I'm not sitting in that puddle." said the policeman. " OK, then you will not learn my secret." So the policeman stepped in the puddle, and sat down near the drunk man. "OK, I'm in the puddle, now tell me." "Well, turn to face that way, and look at that very large building," He pointed, " Do you see it?" "Ya I see it, so what?" Said the policeman. "Well, then I bet that you see that the building is Big Ben."

A Round For The House

A drunk walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt. He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill. Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "Nope! You get too violent when you drink."

Drunk Guy and Batman

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"