Drinking Buddies

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish- style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?" "I'm from Ireland." "Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more. "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin." "Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more. "Where in Dublin are you from?" "The East Side." "The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more. "Where on the East Side are you from?" "McDonagh Street." "Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that." As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?" "Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender, "it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."

Safest Way to Drive

Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

Doggy Style

These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. The driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone's front lawn. "Look", he shouts "What are the those dogs doing? Are they fighting?" The passenger, being a man of the world, replies "They are having sex. Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggy style before?" The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggy style. So the passenger says, "You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita, and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position." The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks, "Well, how did it go?" To which the driver replies, "It was great, but it took me 6 margaritas just to get her on the front lawn."