Ugly Woman

A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman with a parrot on her shoulder.
The woman looks over at the guy and says, "If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder...I'll sleep with you."
The guy says: "An alligator?"
The woman replies: "Close enough!"

Duck in a Bar

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?" The duck says, "Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."

Man and His Giraffe

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start having a few quiet drinks. As the night goes on, they get pretty drunk. The giraffe finally passes out near the pool tables and the man decides to go home. As the man is leaving, he's approached by the barman who says, "Hey, you're not gonna leave that lyin' here, are ya?" "Hmph," says the man, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."