Your Mom is the Best in Town

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town." Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..." Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunk!"

What Marketing Is

I've learned what marketing is.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her, "I am very good in bed." That is Direct Marketing.
You are at a party with a group of friends and you see a very pretty girl. One of your friends approaches her and tells her, "That guy over there is very good in bed." That is Advertising.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You ask for her phone number. The following day you call her and tell her, "I am very good in bed." That is Telemarketing.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You recognize her, you approach her and refresh her memory by telling her, "Do you remember how good I am in bed?" That is Customer Relationship Management.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You get up, fix your tie, pour her a drink, open the door for her, pick up her bag when it falls and you tell her,"I am very good in bed." That is Public Relations.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. She approaches you and tells you, "I heard you are very good in bed." That, that is Branding.

A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for my job. My boss was pissed-off and fires me. When I left the office and went to the parking lot, I found that my car had been stolen. The police said it happens all the time and it will probably not be recovered. I got a cab to return home and left my wallet and credit cards in it. The cab driver drove away before I got his cab number. I go inside my house and find gardener in bed with my wife. I walked to the drug store and then came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink the poison in my glass."