Tattoo Parlor

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks, "Do you do custom work?"
"Why of course!"
"Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh."
"No problem," says the artist. "Strip from the waist down and get up on the table." After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes.
The woman sits up and examines the tattoos. "That doesn't look like them!" she complains loudly.
"Oh yes it does," the artist says indignantly, "and I can prove it." With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.
"Well, what do you think?" the woman asks, spreading her legs. "Do you know who these men are?"
The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. "I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!"

Clinton's Favorite Instrument

Q: What is Bill Clinton's favorite instrument?
A: The WhoreMonica!

Musician's Suitcase

On their way to a classical music concert, a mother and daughter board the subway. “Look over there,” the mother says, “The man with the big suitcase. That’s the musician we are going to see in concert tonight!” Just as the mother speaks, the man reaches into his suitcase and pulls out a shiny violin.
The musician stands up. “Excuse me,” he says, “but I need to practice for my concert, I hope you don’t mind.” The people sitting around him grumble an incoherent response. “Thank you,” he says. Then he bends down and whispers into his suitcase, “You guys can come out now.”
Two completely naked little people, a little man and a little woman, climb out of the suitcase. The musician looks at them and says, “90 please.” At which point the little people immediately begin to make passionate love.
“Oh my gosh!” The mother screams.
Fwap, fwap, fwap, comes the rhythmic sound of the little people’s lovemaking to a stunned crowd. Then the musician begins to play. His violin sings of sadness and loss, love and beauty, and by the time the song is over nearly everyone has tears in their eyes.
For a moment, there is complete silence. Then thunderous applause fills the train.
The mother and daughter approach the musician. “That was incredible,” the mother says, “but…do you need the midgets having sex? There are children here!”
The musician reaches down and rests his hand proudly on the naked little man’s shoulder, “Of course! This is the best fucking metro gnome I could find.”