Goodwill

Wife: I have a bag full of clothes I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? It's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use the clothes
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits in your clothes is not starving.

Yo Mama - Scale Talk

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time, please."

Success!

A new report shows there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.
So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.
Happy New Year!