Ugly Wish

A bus full of ugly people dies and await their fates at the pearly gates. An angel stands guard with a clipboard and explains a mistake's been made and that it's not their time yet. As compensation, each individual receives a wish and will also be brought back to life. One by one, the ugly people tell the angel of the perils of being ugly and wish for good looks. Much to the chagrin of the angel, as the line grows shorter, a roaring laughter booms from the very back of the line. Finally, the man responsible gets his turn, now rolling on the floor in hysterics. With no one else in line, the man shouts in between breaths, "I wish they were all ugly again!"

Pricey Botox

Critics say Botox is too expensive, but I spoke to fifty people who just paid for the treatment, and none of them looked surprised.

God Bless Me

There are five people on a plane that's crashing. There is the pilot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and a big, fat lady and four parachutes. The pilot jumps out and yells, ''God bless me!'' Bill Gates jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my bank account!'' Michael Jordan jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my team!'' Wayne Gretzky jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and the New York Rangers!''
The big, fat lady jumps out without a parachute and yells, ''God bless me and the people I land on!''