The Special Pig

One day a man drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. The man went up to the farmer and said, "Excuse me sir, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?" "Well," said the farmer, "that there pig is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the pig and he saved me, my wife, and my 2 kids." "That's amazing sir but why does that pig only have three legs?" said the man. "Then there was that time the pig saw a big storm coming and we didn't. The pig ran into the house and dragged us out to the storm cellar. If it weren't for that pig we would all be dead." "But still, that doesn't explain why the pig only has 3 legs." "And I remember the time my youngest son was stuck up in a tree but I was too far away to hear him scream. The pig came running towards me and led me to where he was." "Well, that is miracle but how come that pig only has 3 legs?" the man said quite annoyed at this point. "Well," said the farmer, "with a pig that special...you have to eat 'em real slow."

Bill O'Reilly Kills a Pig

Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside. He is gone for a long time. When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." "Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks. The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

Farmer's Pig Pen

An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them. And every morning, he would see all the pigs screwing up a storm. He would get turned on by this and try to get back to the house in time to screw his wife -- but he always got soft before he got there. So one day, he took his hatchet and headed out to the pig pen. "No!" said his wife. "Don't kill those pigs!" "I'm not going to kill them. I'm moving the pen closer to the house."