Penguin in Arizona

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal." "No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

Dress for Success

Q: What do you call an alligator dressed in a vest?
A: An investigator.

Time Please

A tourist walking through Cairo asks the time from an old man standing next to a camel. The old man grabs the camel’s balls lifts them up and says, “It is now noon.” The tourist is very impressed. He goes back to his hotel and tells a fellow guest that he’s met an old man who can tell the time by the weight of his camel’s balls. Next day both of them go to the man and ask him the time. The old man lifts the camel’s balls and says, “It is half past nine.” This is correct, and the two tourists go back to the hotel and tell a third guest of their discovery. Next day all three go to the old man to ask the time and, again, the old man obliges by feeling the camel’s balls. “Say,” says the first tourist. “That’s such a great trick. Can you teach me how to do it?” “Certainly,” says the old man. “First you must grasp the testicles of the camel…” The tourist does so. “Then you must raise them to the belly of the camel…” the tourist does so. “Then you must part the two testicles with your thumbs…” The tourist does so. “And in this way we have clear view of the big clock in the tobacco shop’s window…”