The New Car

There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car. So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. "But," he said to the salesperson, "I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the 'Z' replaced with an 'S?'" The dealer said yes, and it was done. And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, "Wow, look at that S-car-go."

Who Suffered?

Watching her mother as she tried on her new mink coat, the daughter protested, "Mom, do you realize some poor, dumb beast suffered so you could have that coat?"
Her mother glared back at her and said, "Don't talk about your father that way!"

Business One-Liners

• Never bet on a loser because you think his luck is about to change.
• Never buy from a rich salesman.
• Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing.
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
• Never eat prunes when you are famished.
• Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.
• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
• Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
• Never invest in anything that eats.
• Never kick a man unless he's down.