Worms

Q: How do you tell one end of a worm from the other?
A: Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.

Penguins on Tour

A motorist pulls up to the gas pumps and says, "Fill it up, please". The Attendant notices that the front and back seats of the car are occupied by penguins. "Hey Buddy," says the attendant to the driver, "These birds can't be happy like this... they're wild animals, you should take them to a zoo or something.." The motorist agrees to do so.
The next day the guy drives into the filling station and once again the attendant sees the penguins sitting in the front and back seats, and they are all wearing sunglasses and holding towels... "What's this?" he says to the driver, "I thought you agreed to take these birds to the zoo?"
The driver says, "I did... and they had such a great time that today I'm taking them to the beach."

Composition

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."