High Tech Milking Machine

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away. So he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on, and voila, everything else was automatic! He really had a good time as the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. However, when the fun was over, he found that he could not take the instrument off. He read the manual, but did not find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument - some made the equipment squeeze, shake, or suck harder or less - but still he had no success getting out of it. Panicking, he just barely reached the phone and called the supplier's customer service hotline. The farmer: "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It worked fantastic. But how can I take it off from the cow's udder?" Customer Service: "Don't worry. The machine was programmed to release automatically after collecting about 2 gallons of milk."

Cow Abortion

Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
A: De-calf-i-nated.

How the Guy Saw the Cow

Q: A black cow was standing in the middle of the road. A man was hauling ass around a corner with no headlights on, no dome light, no lights on at all. He slams on the brakes at just the right time to miss the cow. How did the guy see the cow?
A: It was daytime