Special Parrot

A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife.  He asked the salesman for some assistance. The sales guy brought the man to a parrot in the back.  "Now this is the perfect pet for your wife. Chet is a very special animal", the salesman said.  "What makes him so special?", the man asked.  The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet's right foot and Chet started to sing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells..", and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing, "Deck the halls...".  So the man asked, "What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?"  "Well I don't know", answered the salesman.  So he holds the lighter between the parrot's legs and instantly Chet began to sing.  "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."

There's A Parrot On The Plane

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach
"I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you". The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says
"For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

The Queer Termite

Q: Did you hear about the queer termite?
A: Yeah, he ate the wood pecker.