Church Parrot

There once was a man that had five daughters their names are Char-relle, Zion, Keedie, Bria and Alexis. The man was called by God to a build a church. All five of his daughters suggested to him that he should make his church different from any other church. So he set out on a mission. He came to a animal store and ask to see a parrot. The lady said that the parrot can only be taught one thing to say. So he taught the parrot to say "open the door, open it wide and let the sinners come inside." The man and his daughters built the church and put the parrot by the door, and every time that someone came in he would say his line. One day a bum came in and the parrot said, "open the door, open it wide and let the sinners come inside." So the bum got kind of offended and said "What did you just say to me?!!" The parrot repeat his sentence, "Open the door, open wide and let the sinners come inside." Then the bum said, "If you say that to me one more time I will throw this rock at you." Without hesitation the parrot repeated what he was taught. Then suddenly the bum threw the rock at the bird and the bird said, "Close the door, close it quickly this stupid fool done threw a brick!"

Parrot

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars". "Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well  the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs $1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told that it costs $2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!"

The Insulting Parrot

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam." She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks. "Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you." The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?" The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th Street." So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner, bringing the parrot along, of course. When the woman enters the building, the parrot begins complaining, swearing, and even bit her once. Well, the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat, marches down the stairs into the basement, and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. The parrot is very cold. She says, "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!" The parrot says, "Okay, okay, I promise it won't happen again. I am deeply sorry." Within five minutes, he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger. The lady is absolutely stunned. She rips the parrot out of his cage, goes down the stairs, into the cellar, and, slam, into the freezer. This time, she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes. When she finally takes him out, the parrot is one step away from death. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws, he looks up at the lady and says, "I do have one question though. That turkey in there, what'd he do, attack you?"