One Mile A Day

Q: What was the snail doing on the highway?
A: About one mile a day!

Confederate General

Q: Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War?
A: Robert E Flea!

My First Time

The night was young, the moon was high. We were alone, just she and I. Her hair was soft and her eyes were blue. I knew just what she wanted me to do. Her skin was smooth her legs were fine. I ran my finger down her spine. I didn't know how but i tried my best. As I placed my hand on her breast, I remembered my fear and my heart beating fast. Slowly, she spread her legs apart. When I did it, I felt no shame. And all at once white stuff came. It's over. It's all over now. My first time ever. My first time milking a cow. 
Wait, what were you thinking about?