Plane Bathroom Afflictions

A man on a plane asked the stewardess if he could use the restroom. She told him the men's room was broken, so he had to use the women's room. Then she said, ''But don't push the W.W. button, or the P.B. button, and DO NOT push the A.T.R. button." But of course he had to push the W.W. button, which he discovered stood for warm water (sprayed on your butt). Then he pushed the P.B. button, which stood for powder your butt. And since those two things had been so pleasant, he pushed the A.T.R. button. He later woke up in a bright room and doctors were all around him. When he asked why he was there, they asked him if he hit the A.T.R. - automatic tampon remover - button. The guy said, "Yes... what happened?" The doctor said, "Your penis is on your pillow."

A New Tearful Bride

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!" "Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said - 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"

Dream Flying Planes

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married for years.  Bob had always wanted to go flying. The desire deepened each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.  Bob would ask and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."  The years went by and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show explaining, it's free to  watch, let's at least watch.  And once he got there the feeling become even stronger. Sue and Bob started an argument.  The Pilot, between flights, overheard.  Listening to their problem, he said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you bark one sound, you pay ten dollars.  So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.  Heading off the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admitted defeat and went back to the air port. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"  "Well, I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."