Dream Flying Planes

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married for years.  Bob had always wanted to go flying. The desire deepened each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.  Bob would ask and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."  The years went by and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show explaining, it's free to  watch, let's at least watch.  And once he got there the feeling become even stronger. Sue and Bob started an argument.  The Pilot, between flights, overheard.  Listening to their problem, he said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you bark one sound, you pay ten dollars.  So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.  Heading off the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admitted defeat and went back to the air port. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"  "Well, I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Airport Bar

A guy sitting at a bar in Chicago O'hare noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant.
But which airline does she work for?" Hoping to gain her attention, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Slogan, "Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, "Nope, not Delta."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look.
He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Southwest slogan, "Low fares, nothing to hide?"
This time the woman savagely turned on him, "What the fuck do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said.... "Ahhh, United Airlines!"

United Airlines Menu

Q: Did you hear about the new menu selections on United flights?
A: They now offer Chinese take-out.