Kidney Troubles

Since I started dialysis my friends, family and even strangers are having a laugh at my expense
My kidneys are the only thing not taking the piss out of me

You're Fired

As a surgeon, the most stressful jobs are circumcisions
You're constantly facing the sack

Ungrateful

Someone stopped me today and asked me for directions to the nearest cosmetic surgeon. I gave them detailed instructions on how to get there, then they turned round and said "Well if you know the way, why haven't you been there you ugly bastard?"