Lonely Frog

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor told him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "In biology class."

Library Chickens

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, "Buk Buk BUK."
The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, so she gives them three books, and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,"Buk Buk BuKKOOK!"
The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives the books to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, "Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!"
The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and down to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit....Rrredit....Rrredit...."

Excuse Notes to Teachers

*** These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included.

• My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
• Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
• Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
• Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
• Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
• Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
• Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
• Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
• Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
• Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
• I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
• Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
• Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
• My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
• Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
• Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
• Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.