Wood Smelling Nose

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard. One day, Bob tells Tom that he can tell what any piece of wood is just by smelling it. Unbelieving, Tom blindfolds Bob and proceeds to test the theory. The first piece of wood Bob smells, he instantly identifies as maple. The second piece Bob instantly identifies as walnut. Tom cannot believe Bob can really do this, so he takes an old piece of wood and whispers to the secretary to rub the wood between her legs. She happily runs it up in her crotch. Tom hands the piece of wood to Bob. Bob smells it three times.
''I am stumped. But I would have to guess that this wood is either a pussywillow or a shingle from a shithouse.''

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Construction Worker Bathroom Break

Two construction workers work on the 30th floor. One of them has to piss, so the other guy agrees to hold on to him while he leans out a window. Just then the dinner bell sounds and the guy who was holding the other guy runs down to get his food. On the 20th floor he is stopped by his boss, who asks if the guy he works with is gay. "Why do you ask?" he says. "Because a minute ago he came flying past my window with his d**k in his hand yelling, 'Where the f**k did that a**hole go?"