Very Bad Private Eye

The Top Signs That You've Hired A Bad Private Eye

• Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries" actually helpful research.
• He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts as his trusty assistant.
• His best disguise is wearing a hat.
• Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
• Won't read any messages without his trusty decoder ring.
• Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from "Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he's caught the suspect.
• Well, he's blind.

Professions

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist." The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids." The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker." They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? " She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

Science Fiction Writers to Change Lightbulb

Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to say, "In 1876, Jules Verne had the first intimations that electrostatic power was a viable energy alternative. Hitherto, the only sources ..."