Things To Say If Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

5. The blood bank mentioned this might happen.
4. Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.
3. Unbelievable; I thought that cold medicine said DAYTIME!
2. Whew! Guess I left the top off that liquid paper.
1. Amen!

Notice of a Class Action Suit

I was wondering if anyone else is having a problem with the Carbon Based Unit, Model # Homo Sapiens. The following is a list of constant problems:

• A constant whining whenever the brain disengages after debating the virtues of the automobile selection process
• Overheats when the air/gray matter ratio exceeds rational equilibrium in regard to ones own responsibility to auto maintenance
• When mouth is placed in gear, makes loud noise whilst insulting the the auto professional. (see previous item)
• Software controlling the "computer" is defective... Wild, random responses to input stimuli (i.e. "Have you checked the oil..?")
• Motor controls are sluggish (i.e. response to traffic light stimuli and expected law abiding response)
• Mouth continues to run long after brain has shut off
• Touts superior performance, but functions do not perform as advertised
• Lifetime warranty is a misnomer. Cannot get problems fixed under any policy
• Model not eligible for trade in or replacement under Lemon Law 

I have attempted to contact the manufacturer of this model regarding these issues, but I have received no response. I can only assume that this creator does not stand by the product in question. Therefore, I am directing my attorney to file a Class Action suit on behalf of myself and my family. The basis for this suit is that the manufacturer did knowingly produce a defective product. Interested parties make contact my attorney: U. B. Taken1-800-Get-Awayor write: 7734 Geton Withit Ave.Getalife, Hades 12345-678

Plumber Booty Call

Are you prepared to get wet, because these pipes are about to burst.