Client Bill

A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000.
The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:

1 screw = $1
Knowing how to put it in = $4999
$5000 total
The businessman never argued.

Ignored

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Doctor: Next please!

Old Woman's Doctor Visit

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."