Curtains

"Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself together man!"

Absentminded Doc!

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, - "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"

Optician

A man goes into the optician and asks for his eyes to be tested because he suspected nearsightedness. The optician took the man outside and pointed to the sky saying "What's that up there?" The man replied "why, that's the sun!" On that the optician said, "How far do you want to see sir!"