Eye Doctor, Heart Surgeon, HMO to Heaven

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, ''Welcome to heaven, my son.'' God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. ''I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,'' the doctor replies. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' God says. God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' says God, ''but you have to leave in two days.''

Five Penises

A man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doctor! Doctor! I have five penises!" The doctor says, "Good lord! How do your pants fit?" The man replies, "Like a glove."

What If My Temperature Goes Up

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
Doctor: Sell!