Poetic justice

A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a park.
The witness: They were fucking your honor
The judge:  Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:
The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear until tiny sounds came to my ear. There was this couple on the ground there and his balls were dangling in the air and you know his what was in her you know where.  If that wasn't fucking your Honor I wasn't there.

Tough Judge

The judge handed the accused a piece of paper and asked him to read what was written on it, You should have seen the trouble he had saying "The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick"
He's always handing out tough sentences.

Offer Legal Advice

Taylor was desperate for business,and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.  The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can."
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.  When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied,  "You asked me to give him good advice.  I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split."