Accountant in Heaven

|An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself." The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter. "It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter. The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40." St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!"

Constipation - Accountant

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget.

Top Ten Signs You've Hired a Bad Accountant

10. After three of the questions on the tax form, he's just written "Huh?"
9. It takes him a half hour to figure out his tip at Red Lobster.
8. He tends to whimper and say, "Numbers are hard!"
7. His last client was Nicholas Cage.
6. He swears "umpteen" is a real number.
5. He checks off the box for "joint filing," then lights one up.
4. He keeps insisting, "No, you're wrong! They're due on August 15th!"
3. You notice that his calculator is really a TV remote.
2. After every number on your tax form, he's written "or so."
1. He likes to do his calculating in the nude, so he can count up to 21.