Undertaker

Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Paddy the Accountant

Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test.  The tester asked, " If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?"  Paddy replied, "Seven!"
The Tester said, "No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?"  Paddy paused and replied, "Seven!"  Frustrated, the Tester responded, "Let's try this another way.  If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?" Paddy quickly replied,  "Six!"
The Tester was relieved!  "Good!  Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?" Again, Paddy replied, "Seven!" At his whits end the Tester shook his head and grumbled, "How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?"  Paddy shrugged with a grin, " I've already got one rabbit at home!"

A Suitable Transplant

A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, "Can I help? Have you lost something?" "No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."