Top Ten Signs You've Hired a Bad Accountant

10. After three of the questions on the tax form, he's just written "Huh?"
9. It takes him a half hour to figure out his tip at Red Lobster.
8. He tends to whimper and say, "Numbers are hard!"
7. His last client was Nicholas Cage.
6. He swears "umpteen" is a real number.
5. He checks off the box for "joint filing," then lights one up.
4. He keeps insisting, "No, you're wrong! They're due on August 15th!"
3. You notice that his calculator is really a TV remote.
2. After every number on your tax form, he's written "or so."
1. He likes to do his calculating in the nude, so he can count up to 21.

Spouse Insomnia

Q: If an accountant's spouse cannot sleep, what is the best cure?
A: Ask the accountant to talk about their work.

Where is the Accountant?

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.  His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."