Still Got It

An eighty-year-old man goes to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him, “You’re in terrific shape. I think you might live forever. How old was your father when he died?” The eighty-year-old says, “Did I say he was dead?” The doctor is shocked. He asks, “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?” The eighty-year-old responds again, “Did I say he was dead?” The doctor is astonished. He says, “You mean to tell me you are eighty years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive?” “Not only that,” says the old man, “my grandfather is 122 years old, and next week he is getting married for the first time.” The doctor says: “After 122 years of being a bachelor, why on earth does your grandfather want to get married?” The old man looks up at the doctor and says, “Did I say he wanted to?”

Grown Up Words

A teacher was teaching a class of five year olds and asked what they all did in the summer holidays. One boy said he got a ''choo-choo.'' The teacher said, "Please use the proper grown-up word for what you have done. The word is train." Another boy said he got a ''bow-wow.'' The teacher said please use the proper grown-up word for what you have done. The word is dog." Another boy said I got a ''Winnie the Shit.''

Public School Teacher Arrested

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.