Newt Coming Out

One gay man says to the other, did you hear Newt Gingrich is coming out?" "Really?" the second gay man says, "that's amazing!" The first gay man says, "yeah we're lucky, he's only coming out of Congress, would you wanna sleep with him?"

Constipation

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table. "The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

Fly In My Soup

A man eating at a restaurant says to his waiter, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" The waiter replies, "That, sir, is entirely possible, you see our cook used to be a tailor."