Nail File

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?
Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.

From Another Planet

NO ZAMBODIANS, PLEASE: Judge Rules Out Prince Mongo's Costume
MEMPHIS, Tenn. - A judge has ruled that a defendant can't show up for trial wearing fur, bones, goggles and pale green body paint, even if he is from the planet Zambodia. But an attorney for the man who calls himself Prince Mongo wants to make a federal case out of his client's 10-day jail sentence for contempt of court. Slug PM-Prince Mongo. New, may stand. Federal court hearing starts at 1 p.m. EDT. 

Pulled Over

A cop pulls a man over on the road. He comes up to the side of the car and asks the man to roll down the widow. The man inside says, "Why did you pull me over?" and the cop responds "because you were speeding." and to that the man inside the car responds "Oh good, then your not going to look in the trunk?"