Good News And Bad News

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Cattle Count

Q: What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
A: Use a cowculator!

Barbershop Visit

A shady-looking guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy smiles and leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop. "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" "To your house."