Your very first time!

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid, and you shake your head bravely and mumble no. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him, he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you. You lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. Keep reading ... You smile and thank your dentist! After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinkin'? PERVERT I know what you were thinking!

In The Beginning...

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient... "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

Stress Flight

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.  A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees. The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled; "Mayday, mayday!!  The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack.  I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory.  I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. The employee in the tower put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions.  The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!"  He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that's good,remain calm. How do you know you're traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it's heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft: "The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar."