Stubborn Camel

A woman reporter is driving a jeep in the desert. She sees a Captain in the French Foreign Legion pulling and tugging on a camel, but the camel won't budge.
The woman stops and says, "Captain! Do you need some help with the camel?"
The legionarie tells her the camel won't budge but she's welcome to try. The reporter gets out of the jeep, takes two bricks from the back and POW... smashes the camel's testicles with the bricks. The camel makes a terrible noise and runs off into the desert.
The captain drops his pants and says, "Great! Do me next, I've got to catch that son of a bitch!"

Blood Sucking

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Need a Raise

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my current job. He asked which three were interested. I said the gas, electric and cable companies.