Signs and Notices Continued

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign on a scientist's door: "Gone fission."
Sign in a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign in a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
Sign on used car lot: "Second hand cars in first crash condition."
Sign on fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Sign over a cannibal's hut: "I never met a man I didn't like."
Sign in a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

Finding an Elephant

Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant?"
Pupil: "You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!"

Auditions Galore

My friend got a dozen auditions for movies in the last week. I asked him how and all he could say was, "It's this new medication." He never told me what it was, but I could safely assume that it was a fast acting drug.