Dead Man's Booty Call

Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on, the 1st Nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste," and rides him.  The 2nd Nurse does the same. The 3rd Nurse hesitates and explains she's on her period, but does him anyway. To their surprise the man sits up, wide awake. The Nurses apologize saying they thought he was dead. The man replies, "I was, but after two jump starts and a blood transfusion I feel frickin great!"

The World's Greatest Hypnotist

The world's greatest hypnotist is on stage in front of hundreds of people swinging a long chain with a watch on the end. He's saying, "You're all in my power, you're all in my power." Fifteen hundred people are going,"Oooo..." He starts to say it again, "You're all in my...", when he accidentally drops the watch. He says, "Shit." It took them two weeks to dig everybody out.

Traffic Stop

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! 
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. 
The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything.  When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for. The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; “Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?" Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top." Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?" "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined." "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?" "Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.”
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole ?" 
"Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do.”