Lawyer, Police Man, Doctor

Three men die, a lawyer, police man, and a doctor. At the pearly gates, the police man walks up to Saint Peter and says "I have put criminals away and stopped many crimes like murder, can I get into heaven?"
Saint Peter says "Sorry, we're sorta having a party right now, so no."
The doctor walks up to Saint Peter and says "I have saved many lives and have helped people feel better, can I get into heaven?"
Saint Peter says "Nope, we're kinda busy right now."
The lawyer walks up to Saint Peter and says "I've sued many people, can I get into heaven?"
Saint Peter says "Sure! Come on in! Join the party!"
The police man and the doctor walk up to Saint Peter and ask why the lawyer got in, and they didn't.
Saint Peter told them "We don't get many of his kind around here."

What Size Fits?

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms. She asks, ''What size please?'' ''Good question," he replies, " I'm not sure," ''Tell ya what. Right outside, there's a fence with three holes in it, stick your dick in the holes and tell me which one it fits in,'' suggests the lady. So he takes her advice, goes outside and puts his dick in the first hole. A woman walks past, see's his dick and starts feeling it. The man thinks, ''Hey, this ain't too bad.'' Then he puts his dick in the second hole, another woman walks by, and gives him a blow job. At this point, he is literally blown away. He quickly shoves his dick in the last hole, and yet another woman walks by, and she starts to shag him. After they are done rocking, he high-steps it back inside and goes to the counter. The assistant asks ''What size then?'' "Forget the condoms," says the man, "how much for the fence?"

Astronaut Booty Call - Thruster

My thruster is firing as we speak!