10 Signs Your Broker

1. Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash "He can't come to the phone right now... he's on the ledge."
2. "He won't be in today... he was made an offer and he refused."
3. "He left the building and not via the elevator... if you catch my drift."
4. "I'm sorry, sir... she's not in... she's out digging up your can as we speak."
5. There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please."
6. "He's on another line with his Mommy... would you care to hold?"
7. "No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange."
8. "He's meeting with the SEC as we speak."
9. "I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup."
10. "Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway."

Lawyer on His Deathbed

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife. She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?" He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort. He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left. The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?" "I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

Light Bulb - Publishers

Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.