Family Problems

Q: My doctor asked if anyone in my family is suffering from mental illness...
A: I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it”.

Policeman Fooled

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees a man with a brick tied to a dog leash. He decides to go and humor him. He walks up to the man and says, ''Hello, sir, I like your dog!'' The man looks at the brick, then the policeman, and says, ''It's not a dog, it's a brick.'' The policeman replies, ''Oh, sorry, I thought you were a bit mad,'' and walks off rather puzzled. As the policeman goes out of sight, the man turns to the brick and says, ''That fooled him, didn't it Rover?''

Being under oath

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.