More Hilarious Al Gore Quotes and Blunders

• "I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."
• "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
• "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
• "Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
• "Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."
• "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
• "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
• "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."
• "When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
• "The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."

Pregnant Maid

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat.
One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. "But why?", asked the disappointed wife.  She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant." 
The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have any children and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."  She talked to her husband and he agreed.  So the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it and all went well. 
After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual once again.  In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby.
This time she worked for a week or two, but then said, "I am definitely leaving for good now."  "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house. "No," she said, "there are just too many kids here to pick up after!"

Parking Problem

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. . . Lead us not into temptation."