U.S. Air Force Pilot

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
I have a friend who flew Lear Jets for the U.S. Air Force. He would occasionally be assigned to an air show where one of his tasks was answering questions about his plane. Someone would always point to the fuel tank and ask if it was a missile. His standard answer was, "I can neither confirm or deny the presence of nuclear weapons on this aircraft." 

Route 66

A redneck truck driver is driving east on Route 66 when he sees another truck coming west. The CB crackles to life. “Hey, redneck,” says a voice on the radio. “Who are the two biggest faggots in America?” The redneck replies, “I don’t know.” The other trucker says, “You and your brother.” The redneck is annoyed but the other driver says, “It’s just a joke. Tell it to the next truck you see.” The redneck drives for an hour and finally sees another truck. He gets on his CB and says, “Hey, other truck, d’you know who the two biggest fags in America are?” The other trucker says, “No. Who?” The redneck replies, “Me and my brother.”

Looks Like Plastic, Feels Like Rubber

An attorney went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "well, it looks plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "but it feels like rubber. "Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The attorney responded, "Let me take a look." So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"