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Reading Time
A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail with hard on. The Cowboy asks "what are you doing?" Indian says, " Me tellum time." Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the same. Says "You telling time?" "Yup," "How can you tell time like that?" The Indian says, "workum like sundial, readum shadow." Cowboy, incredulous, rides on and encounters an Indian in the trail masturbating. The Cowboy says "let me guess, you're telling time too." Indian says " Nope. But me windum clock!"
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Ploughing the land
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plow your land? At night?" "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."
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Pneumonia
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft. "But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia." "I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."
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