Priests' Underwear

Q: Why did the Priest wear underwear in the shower?
A: He didn't want to look down on the unemployed.

Paralyzed Fat Woman

A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed and I can't get up!"
He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits!"

Why It Sucks To Be A Penis

1. You've got a hole in your head.
2. Your master strangles you all the time.
3. Your head is smaller than the rest of you.
4. You shrink in cold water.
5. You never get a haircut.
6. You always hang around with 2 nuts.
7. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
8. Your best friend is a pussy.
9. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.
10. Everytime you get excited, you throw up.