Dr. Phil Says Inner Peace

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished;
and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates. Dr. Phil was right... you have no idea how I feel right now!

Knights of Columbus and Shriners

Q: What is the difference between a Knight of Columbus and a Shriner?
A: A Knight, once a knight, is always a Knight, but the Shriners argue that once a night is enough for anyone!

Six Inch Nose Three Inch

It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick.