Regular Maintenance

A man pushes his car into the garage and tells the mechanic that the engine just died on him down the street. After a few moments of tinkering under the hood, the engine is purring again. “Great,” says the driver. “How did you fix it?” “Just crap in the carburetor,” replies the mechanic. “Okay,” replies the man. “So how often do I have to do that?”

Claustrophobia

Q: What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
A: Santa Claustrophobia !

Five Penises

A man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doctor! Doctor! I have five penises!" The doctor says, "Good lord! How do your pants fit?" The man replies, "Like a glove."