Jumping and Pissing

Q: A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses. Which hits the ground first?
A: The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!

Arm Perspective

A guy has one arm and decides he doesn't want to go on with life, not being able to do the things other guys can do with two arms. So, he goes up to the 20th story of a building and is trying to build up the nerve to jump. As he's standing there a guy comes walking on the sidewalk below. The one-armed man notice's that this other guy has NO arms at all. He watches as the guy stops on the sidewalk and starts dancing and spinning in circles. The one-armed man thinks to himself how selfish he is? In that instance, he has one arm and is ready to end it all! So, he decides to go down and talk to the No-armed man. He goes down and walks up to the guy and says, "Hey man, I've been up on the 20th floor considering to end it all because I have only One arm! Here you are with No arms and are dancing around. What's your deal?" The guy with No arms says, "Arrrrr, dude I'm NOT happy! My nose itches!!"
 

Hidden Traits

I left my wife after I discovered she was a glass blower.
I beat the shit out of my neighbor Eddie Glass too.