New Employee Training

A young man got a new job running the register at a store. The old store owner said he would teach him how to up-sell. "Watch how I do it," he said to the new hire. As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to him, "When you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing, you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut the grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need a new mower. Sure, I'll take one." After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A customer stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman said, "You know, you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that." The man asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass."

Dinosaur Booty Call - Herbivore

Just because you're a plant-eater doesn't mean you shouldn't try Tyrannosaurus Sex.

Sans Tomatoes

A lady walks into a grocery store looking for tomatoes and can't seem to find any, so she goes to ask a store clerk.
Lady: Excuse me, could you help me find some tomatoes?
Clerk: Sorry, but we are fresh out.
Lady: You don't understand, I need these tomatoes, could you check in the back for me?
Clerk: I am sure we don't have any, but I will go look.
The clerk goes to the back and comes back.
Clerk: Sorry, there aren't any in the back.
Lady: But you don't understand, I NEED these.
Clerk: Lady, you're just not getting it. Let me explain it to you this way. What do you get when you take the "blue" out of blueberries?
Lady: Berries.
Clerk: Okay, what do you get when you take the 'Straw' out of strawberries?
Lady: Berries.
Clerk: Now what do you get when you take the 'fuck' out of tomatoes?
The lady pauses for a moment...
Lady: There's no fuck in tomatoes!
Clerk: That is what I have been trying to tell you!